I am 37 years old and I have diabetes. I was diagnosed over four years ago and started on shots then. Shortly thereafter, I lost 60 pounds and didn't take anything any more for diabetes for almost a year and a half. I started nursing school, got over halfway through and had to quit because the stress was keeping my blood sugar way up. My mom died last year at the same time I quit school and I almost died, I think because of the stress and depression. Since then, I have tried working three times. I can't hold up any longer. I always feel nauseous and tired. I think I am beginning to get the first signs of neuropathy, and I weigh over 360 pounds now. I do not eat that much, but everything I do eat goes to my ribs, or somewhere close.
My blood sugar still stays over 300 mg/dl [16.7 mmol/L]. It has been so high that my meter wouldn't say anything but HIGH. My blood sugar also bottoms out at random. I do not know what to do. I do not think my general practitioner or family nurse practitioner knows what to do either. They both have been very good to me. I just cannot go on living like this. I can't pay my bills because I can't work long enough to make any kind of money. I don't know how to get on disability and really don't want to because it is so restrictive. I want to be normal again. I want to see my daughter's children and be able to play with them in the yard. I don't want my legs to be amputated sometime later in life. I like my legs. They hurt all of the time, though. Please, please, please, help me. I am at my rope's end as my mom used to say. I am becoming a desperate man. I didn't know what else to do.
I hear the desperation in your words. My sincere condolences for the loss of your mom.
The combined stress of school, deciding to leave school and the death of your mother make a triple whammy as far as managing blood sugar is concerned. My professional and, mostly, my human instinct is to tell you to please find someone you trust to talk to. This is so very important. E-Mail is not the same as looking into someone's eyes and telling them what is in your heart! There may be those who disagree with me, but I believe that 90% of diabetes management happens inside your head and heart, and right now your heart needs to heal.
You are struggling with so many feelings that it is hard to sort them out alone. Please trust someone and talk to them. The weight of your sadness is too heavy to carry alone.
Original posting 19 Sep 2000
Posted to Daily Care
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